{Me thinks}

 Randomness around here:

This winter is lasting f o r e v e r.......its C O L D

• speaking of cold I gotta head cold too.

• Went with D to a conference over the past reading week the kids swam pretty much the entire time, went out to dinner a few to many times watched the Lego movie . cried in the movie. and really the kids just loved doing something ... I loved watching them swim together take care of each other and laugh and enjoy new things...wasn't really a break for me but the kids had fun and a room with bunk beds all to themselves which they thought was totally awesome in itself:)

• We jumped on the duck dynasty bandwagon never had watched an episode ha ha till last Wednesday no I know when I hear uncontrolled laughter somewhere in the house D is watching it! So funny! Love it!

• Elder Jeffery R. Holland is coming in a few weeks and I seriously can't wait to go hear him speak! 9 stakes in two buildings might be a lot! Thankful to be a youth leader:)

• Working on new Jewelry for this years shows or anytime drop ins;)

• Getting ready and planning for my 20th school reunion this summer {wow eh I'm old that makes me feel old anyway! }

• Ran outside a couple times last week and its was SO nice to get out! I know I say it all the time but I really really miss going outside!!

• Been loving the Olympics the past two weeks ! Were going to miss it was exciting:) We even had a fun

FAVORITES RIGHT NOW:

• Loving these new scents from Bath n' Body works helping me feel a little summer somewhere in here:)

• Bought a new straighter and I LOVE it never had a nice one before that actually worked like salon style;) I fell for the kiosk after she flattered me and dropped her price like a good salesman but I seriously love it!! With a 5 year warranty and European voltage she sold me;)

 

• Me Thinks
  
  
  
  
  
  "As human beings, sometimes we think that other people’s marks about us define who we are. We know better. But sometimes we need to be reminded. Your grades don’t define you. Your review at work does not define you. What someone else thinks about your parenting style or political view or haircut does not define you.
  Your thoughts define you. Your actions define you. 
  How you treat your spouse and your children? Of course this defines you. How you treat a stranger also defines you. How you handle adversity defines you.
  What we do with our spare time, how we serve others, the choices we make … these are all things that define us.
  So the next time someone belittles, criticizes, labels, or falsely accuses you, sure — stand up for yourself if necessary. But resist the urge to spend too much energy fighting or defending or criticizing back. Instead, look inward. Look at your core.  
  You know who you are. 
  You know what you’re about. If you question your worth, don’t. Not for one second. Get on your knees and pray to a loving Heavenly Father who knows you and loves you unconditionally. He will remind you how awesome you are. And if you humbly and sincerely ask, He’ll even let you know what you can do to be even better." -becky higgins
  Love this post by Becky!
  So
  Perfectly said. 
  You know who you are.
  Doesn't matter what other people think.
  we know what's inside and its up to us to do our best and live life worthy of actions and thoughts that clearly define who we are without saying much of anything at all.
  
  

  Have a great week...

  Look beyond the mirror and see whats there. 

  Within and around you.

{Lately.}

own network photo

I feel a whole lot like this article ...... 

I'm in the frustrating time of my life where you go, go, go and it feels like no one cares or notices anything you do.... 

though I feel happy about the fact that I'm here and can be at home with them helping them, teaching them and leading them, holding them.

But its the most thankless job there probably ever is ....

I suppose the thankfulness comes in the little successes in watching our kids grow up and make good choices and the little steps of life lessons along the way the hugs, notes and looks and talks too. 

Sometimes it just feels like you give, give, give and at the end of the day you have nothing left in you to do the things you know you want to and need to and should sometimes with them, or for yourself.

I'm in that stage where my oldest doesn't need me like he used to because he's growing up spreading his "little" wings ..... he's in a new phase of his life its exciting and new and mom isn't exactly the novelty she used to be....

or your baby isn't a baby anymore he plays and goes to others houses and goes to school and really doesn't need you anymore like he used to...... he loves the Independence and loves to go and think and make choices on his own...all exciting new feelings and adventures of his own.

{seriously how cute is the picture he said "mom take a picture of my new friend"  

how could I resist}

and your two other children are adventurous, very independent thinkers and doers too...

but to be honest I feel a little lost

like whats next? where do I go from here?

when I don't want to be done that young baby stage yet 

I don't want to work full time or anything

I don't want to feel middle aged and I don't want to not feel ......well needed like I used to for so many years of diapers, feedings, watching, playing everything we've been used to for 12 years......

You know what I mean.... and its finding the balance and the usefulness of being me and where am I going? what am I doing? and where can I find whats next?  whats my passion? It's my family my children but its a new phase and where am I'm needed most..... that's right here I know that 

but its hard to enter a phase of just 

giving giving and giving

doing doing doing 

and wondering if they care, or notice if you weren't here 

doing, doing,  doing and all you ask sometimes is a little help or to see what needs done, what you can help with and a little appreciation along the journey.

because we all need to feel appreciated its fine to say that God notices all the little details that count......but lets be real that is so very important but in the day to day its the small things that make the difference to us that we matter that we are still important that we are the glue.

The glue that holds it all together. Through the aches, the pains, the tears the self doubt, the thoughts still enter .

But sometimes whats inside struggles with that .....struggles with knowing what will make the biggest difference....struggles with entering the next stage of life while desperately hanging onto the old one

that can still smell that newborn ,

ache to hold, bath and feed that baby

watch them reach for you,smile at you and depend on you for everything.

To feel like you matter more than anything and anybody in the whole world if only for that short time...

I see myself wondering what I am without them around as I get older without finding what is also important to me so that when that time comes I still have something more to hold onto....than memories of little hands in mine....

I guess it comes down to without that little hand in mine depending on me for the everyday little day to day things its so hard to move forward to see a new dream leave old ones behind and have a new goals to work towards.

I struggle with change thats no secret I guess sometimes I see the world around us changing so drastically I can't wrap my mind around it.... from everyday life... to education, new laws, to society and the things we let slid and let in..... to the way we've always done things that I have a hard time understanding why something thats always worked just fine why does it need to be changed.  I'm traditional .....

I feel like an old soul some days {or maybe I am just getting old??} time to face it;) I don't know..... I often wonder that those who have lived 85 years and seen the whole world around them change how do they get past how fast and far things have come? How fast motherhood goes by? that the children grow up,.... move on with their lives get married, make choices, make mistakes........  and knowing all along you shaped that, molded that and hopefully in the end its all so very worth every hard moment, thought and change to get to that point

 Change is hard. At every phase in life.....

Hard to comprehend sometimes but looking back I want to know that I've enjoyed the journey........ made the best decisions for all of us and done my best whether anybody notices or not in this home. Inside I want to know I gave it my all did my best and push forward.....

SO

I'm trying really hard to {feel the love} some days are hard lately

trying not to feel like a maid, cook and cleaner, laundress

like I'm the only one who knows how to do anything around here

like I'm a jungle gym

that the words I love you 

don't mean anything if your not willing to show it 

Trying really hard not to feel bored some days and house bound 

trying hard not to get out of habit of things that should be habit
things that matter though they be small 

Trying hard to carry on even though I'm super tired by dinner time

Trying hard to have patience and find purpose in everyday.

Trying hard.

To Be.

S t r o n g e r.

Everyday.
Do and be a little better each and every day.
because thats what life is a series of phases, steps of change and a lifetime collection of memories.
and
 its all worth it.

  Make them good ones:)
These little people depend on me.
A happy me
no matter the phase, change or step.

♥Happy Valentines Day♥
17 years ago tomorrow {well technically feb 15;) D asked me to marry him and I couldn't be happier by his side supporting him, loving him and raising our not so littles together
onward and upward:)

{and really this whole post could be due to cabin fever and ready for spring syndrome;) }

{10 For..}

T O D A Y

chose

1. My computer is dying and I must get all my pictures and files off of here before it does because I've paid the price before and I will not do it again.

2. My daughter thinks the love/lunch notes I've sent in her lunch since the day she started school are "embarrassing" and that kids tease her because I do {I tell her their just jealous and we don't care what other people think} ...and my boys still love it...... SO dad sent a note today bahahaha...... 

{but honestly it makes me sad:( that she thinks that because I love doing it she'll miss it;)}

3. I. am. so. tired. of. winter.

4. Great article here. 

I still struggle some days.

5. M bore his testimony on sunday he was sitting with another family and all of sudden my M untucked shirt and all marches up to the pulpit and gives a perfect testimony clear, precise and didn't look at me once says a perfect ending and walks right on by us.

I learned a few things: 

that an untucked shirt only matters to me.....

 that I am so proud of him and that I should have let him go up before 

 he is very determined, independent & takes a challenge 

and than I did a little thinking of my own fears 

that I was afraid of what he would say 

or that he would fool around yet on his own in his own time he gave a perfect little testimony all by himself.

i cried. for more than one reason.

 they grow up fast.

6. I feel frustrated lately and maybe thats just January or February speaking now..... but sometimes its hard to know if feeling ansy is because of this time of year.... or if have to much time to think wondering what the next step in life is and moving on and where my time needs to be spent more or if I should be doing something else and then 

what is it??  

Does that even make sense?

maybe?

7. Have you ever met a child who doesn't like to be hot doesn't like beds and sleeps on the floor 95% of the time and usually our floor? and he's going to be 8?? Or doesn't wear certain shirts because they are "hot" shirts? Thats my M..... He'd make a great cave man he doesn't like shoes or boots and in the summer leaves his clothes and shoes everywhere and runs from sun up to sun down:))  Interesting child ha ha

8. Started yoga again with our class amazing how well amazing it is. Missed it the past month. 

9. Makes all the difference

10. ....excited to get away with the kids in a couple of weeks even if its not far or warm;)  sometimes thats what we all need:) a change of scenery.

Have a great WEEK...

Make it count:)