{If you look inside....Me thinks}

Take a look.....

If you looked into my home,

You'd see that family means a lot random pictures scattered throughout, you'd see kids getting ready to sleep, books lying on the floor in almost every room from being read to or looked at, you'd hear a dishwasher running from the days dishes, the lingering smell of fresh buns and hot soup, a singing baby as he sings himself to sleep, a big boy D relaxing on the couch on his "fake" book {ie.his blackberry play book for work..he calls my side of things the "lie" pad {ipad} fun times, you'd see lots of projects finally getting done around, you'd see children's art work, lego pieces and laughter, you'd see  a mother trying to keep up with kids, you'd see content minds drifting off after a long day of playing....

If you looked into my office, 

you'd see where I spend a lot of time. You'd see a board full of places to be and places to go, you'd see backpacks and coats laying on the floor, a hockey stick from a street hockey game today, 

you'd see papers to be filed, homework to finish...... projects to be done and a piano waiting to be practiced. 

you'd see primary stuff scattered over the desk and past projects waiting to be cleaned up from the rush of the weekend, you'd see a plaque that reads count your blessings that I read everyday I'm in here and I do just that.. You'd see books and discarded clothes and water bottles and toys dropped at childrens backs...

you'd see its lived in and far from clean and perfect....

If you looked into my e-mail,  

you'd see questions to be answered, lots of pinterest junk emails, you'd see pictures of my kids sent from my i phone, you'd see thoughtful notes from random people that came at the exact time I needed them and there they stay, you'd see that I keep it pretty cleaned out...

If you looked into my phone,   

You'd see beautiful pictures of places I wish to go someday as my lock screen and home screen..... you'd see organized with pictures a contact list, you'd see my 365 project ......you'd see no games for kids well actually there might be a couple but hardly any and none that they know about so they can't overtake it:) 

You'd see weather apps and bill apps to keep organized...... you'd see texts from some of my favorite people ones that make you laugh ones that make you cry and ones that just make you smile:) 

You'd see something{the phone itself lol} I said I didn't need or want but I do kind of like it, you'd see it isn't attached to me though you'd see that half of the time I forget to even bring it with me...


If you looked into my head,  

you'd wonder how I function with so many thoughts running around , you'd see my desire to have a baby even just once.... and the pain that is still there everyday especially with each passing year wondering why somethings are and when the answers you've been promised will come,
you'd see a crazy girl who has a obsession with helping the kids to understand that when you choose the right you are happier, if you listen and obey good things come, 

You'd see how frustrated I get with myself to do things right to understand things like sewing or simple math to help my kids with there homework its just not there. You'd see a girl who has an obsessive fear of gaining weight and who lets the number on the scale each morning determine her thought process for the day .....you'd see how much I appreciate my family and friends and how well they know me and you'd see how much their phone calls, notes and  texts mean to me....

you'd see a girl who tries so hard to be patient, loving and understanding, you'd see a mother who just wants good things to happen for her kids, for them to be happy make right choices .......you'd see a primary president who wants to make everybody especially those cute little kids happy and to feel needed, loved and appreciated...You'd see the need I have for the boring to go and change to come sometimes I feel it the need for change ..

You'd see a girl who dreams of cobblestone streets everyday and can't get it out of my head ...you'd see someone who has a huge desire to travel the world and see things and cultures... you'd see a mom who needs to be a mom first and those other  things will come in time.......
you'd see the questions and wonderment at why do people do the things they do the choices they make that affect so many around them you'd see how sad it makes me that people get so far off track,  who ruin so much for a fleeting moment of bad decisions....

you'd see a girl who can't imagine what life would be like with no kids if we hadn't gone to a lot of work, prayer and guidance and miracles with everyone associated with each of our children... to get these little people here you'd see a girl who feels blessed everyday. You'd see the memories in the making and the ones I want to cherish forever...


If you look into my heart.  

You'd see what matters most to me. My family above all, you'd see my testimony and faith, you'd see my desire to do what I'm supposed to do to get to where I want to be and to have a lot of my questions answered, you'd see my dreams ....desires. for myself, my children, for us..... for the future.  you'd see the aches and pains mostly for the kids and all they have before them.... you'd see that its full of love..... full of faith ....full of peace, 

full of aching and yearning at the same time too for all that isn't...yet...

you'd see an understanding that to every season there is a time don't wish it away, you'd see that I can hardly believe how fast time goes by, you'd see it aches for those that don't get it. you'd see its full...

Life is good.
Today...

That's what you'd see.. if you looked.
{thanks Lynn for the inspiration}
What do you see??

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"More people give up, than fail."